"Divine Clicking"

I consider myself fortunate for many reasons, but first and foremost is my connection with Divine. Though i have always felt some connection, it has been strengthened in the past 5 years and now guides my every move. How do i know that i am going in the right direction?... by the audible sound of a "click" (as opposed to a sound in my head). I began hearing them many years ago, but did not realize the significance and timing of the "click" until 2005.
I was a "super senior" in college and was laying dizzily on my bathroom floor. The small room was spinning out of control, the result of way too much alcohol, and i prayed over and over again "please make it go away... i promise to never drink this much again..." While these pleas are common to many college kids after a heavy night of partying, never before had i heard of the prayer being answered in such a way... I said the words repeatidly, like a mantra, until all of a sudden i heard the loudest "click" i have ever heard. At that exact moment, my eyes flew open, my torso popped up, and i realized i was dead sober. The next thought that entered my mind was surely not my own, "i did my part... now you do yours..." And i can say honestly that i have never drank that much again since. But, what an amazing thing, to be drunken beyond all recognition in one moment, and stone-cold sober in the next. How on earth is that possible?? Well... it wasnt earth; it was Divine.
It was only then that i started noticing that the "clicks" were heard (and not just by me; any friend in proximity to me during one of my "clicks" hears it too) after a deep thought, question, or epiphany as if answering "YES!" Over the past 5 years the "clicks" have come more often, which i can only assume is to due with my own deepining connection to Source. The volume of the "clicks" varies too; the loudest arriving during the greatest realizations. But still, i only heard these "clicks" when i was truely connected and in vibration with Divine, which some days was harder than others... until now...
Since my arrival to Thailand, i have heard yes-answering "clicks" with almost every thought, whether profound or mundane, which leads me to conclude that I am ALWAYS in vibration here. I am sitting here smiling because as i just typed the last sentence i heard yet another "click" confirming this conclusion. It doesnt matter where i am: inside, outside, in a car, in my room, in school, on a plane, or at a friend's... the "clicks" can be heard... and again, i've just heard another...
I feel truely blessed for this connection, and for the awesomeness of immediate guidance with every thought. This is one of the reasons i was brave enough to travel to the other side of the world, alone, to a country that i do not (or did not) speak the language... because not only did i hear the clicks agreeing that it was time to come, but knew that i would still be guided while here, every step of the way. I have no fear. I trust completely... and they have not failed me yet. Sometimes the answer of YES is so strong that my head nod's involintarily, like Divine moved it for me. The latter usually only occurs when i am deep in prayer, but nonetheless my answer is made clear.
While i have never heard of another person having such an experience as "Divine clicks" i am sure that each has the ability to connect deeply and have their answers be known. The sweet voice inside each of our minds, while still sounding like our own, that only speaks with compassion and kindness, is Divine leading the way. Cartoons portray this conciousness as an angel on one shoulder, with a devil on the other. Even before my clicking i realized that it is not an angel and a devil, but Divine and our own ego. The tug-of-war that goes on in our head everyday with nearly every desicion, especially those of temptation, is simply Divine trying to lead our souls in the heavenly direction. Do yourself a favor and become more aware of the flipity-flop of thoughts in your own mind. Is there not one side that wants what it wants, regardless to the outcomes it may bring, while the other suggests what you already inevitably know is the right decision to make? Ego and Divine. Pay attention. And try to follow the compassionate one... you will not be led astray... and after a short journey on that path, the connection and vibration will strengthen, giving way to all the answers you will need for a happy and peaceful life... For I am proof.

Coffee Club

Though taking a nap during our hour and fifteen minutes lunch break seems customary, a few of us started a new tradition of getting coffee in the market across the street from school. It started one day when i was exhausted and knew that a short nap would only make me more tired so i left the school in hopes to find caffine. What i found was an addorable coffee shop with, my favorite, a porch with outside seating. It did not take long for others to catch on when they saw how refreshed i was to start our afternoon session. There are now a permanent 6, and occasional 9, of us who go everyday at noon for the best coffee we have found in Thailand yet...
The sweet owner Hum started preparing "our section" everyday with a fan (Thailand is hot as hell, especially at noon) and ashtrays. When our group grew larger than the porch could hold, she built a patio beyond it just so we could all sit together outside! Talk about customer service! She also knows now by heart what we each get and has it started before we even arrive. One day we were running late and she said that she can bring them to school for us if we ever do not have time to come... This is the way of the Thai. I feel like this would never happen in America, except for maybe some small town in the middle of no where.
But what is even better are the conversations had over coffee. There is no talk of the weather or trivial matters such as complaints or what we did over the weekend. Instead we have deep discussions about the world, politics, terror (many are from countries that live in fear everyday), culture, spirituality, and healing... just to name a few. Todays discussion, for example, was on reincarnation and past lives. Many of us are very "in tune" and are not only sensitive to energy, but intuitive in the most amazing ways. Several of us have done "regression therapy" in which you are put into a dream like state and get information on your souls past lives. A few are so in tune that they were aware of it by themselves at a very young age, only to have it confirmed later in regression therapies or by clairvoient people. The energy around our table alone throughout the conversation gave each of us goosebumps.
This was so spectacular to me. I have very few people in my life in America that i can have these type of discussions with. Most people dont even believe in reincarnation, and yet there i sat with 6 of my friends listening to each of them describe what they know from their lives before this one. The story that gave me the biggest smile, and the most goosbumps, was Clarence's lives and the kindred spirits he has been traveling with throughout each one. He was a pilgrim in the days of the "discovery of America" and became very good friends with a native american, which was forbidden. They promised to meet again, and the native's soul now lives in his Son. In another life he was an aristocrat in London and in love with his servent, but was forbidden to have a relationship with her. After seeing a clarvoient "spiritual artist" recently who draws the guardian angel and other spirits that are linked to your soul, she drew a picture of a young woman... the servent! The artist said the woman has already joined him in this life. When he got home his 5 year old daughter saw the drawing and said, "thats me daddy!" She knew nothing of where her father had just been or how the drawing had come about, but upon one look at the picture she said over and over that it was her. How amazing!
I have known for a long time that i was asian in another life, and i look forward to getting more inforation about it. The moment i got here i felt completely at home... more so than in America. I now realize that my everyday habbits and tendacies, even since i was a little girl, like bowing when saying thank you and being barefoot whenever possible, are characteristic of Asians, especially the Thai. A man said to me last week that I speak Thai very well, with almost no accent (which is damn hard to do- this language is tonal and very difficult) and that i must have spoken it in another life. It was so funny he should happen to say that, considering i have always thought that. I had to smile. I hope to find a regression therapist soon and gain more knowledge about my past life here. The thought alone resonates so deep in my soul that i have no doubt that it is true. I have been saying it for a long time, while my friends at home laughed (at least in a loving way), yet there i sat with 6 other people who believed me and had even more experiences! I knew i wasnt crazy!
I said it before and I'll say it again: I am so fortunate for my deep connection with Source and the way Divine is always taking care of me... giving me knew information, confirming with "clicks" (to be explained in my next post), and leading the way with every step i take. My own self confidence and wisdom grows every day here, and i am so thankful in every moment. To think this powerful journey would not have happened if i got married last year... And though i never doubted it, it just goes to show that EVERYTHING happens for a reason...

My new Family

I returned from Phuket on Sunday and realized for the first time in 5 years it was a school night. The feeling was strange but i eagerly awaited making new friends and learning the ancient art and healing practice of Thai Massage. I am so fortunate that Divine led me to The Chaba House (my guest house), not only for its beauty and peace, but for it housed 11 other students of my school. Little did i know that these people would quickly become my new family.
It only took a few days for the bonds between us to grow deep, as if we had known each other our whole lives. It has been such a growing experience to listen to everyones life stories and lessons, especially since they come from all over the world. Only one other is from America and it has been so amazing to learn more about the cultures of Spain, UK, Togo, Germany, Chec Republic, Hungary, Chili, Lebanon and Astonia. Everyone at school heard us talk about how much fun we have at the Chaba House and did not take long for some to decide to leave their guest houses and join ours. We dont even bother to lock our doors anymore because we would never steal from our new family. In some way I feel like I am in college again and this is our new dorm.
What is even more powerful is that i finally feel like i belong somewhere. My whole life i have tried to fit in, changing like a chomelian to belong... eventually so much that i lost myself in the process. In the last few months before leaving for Thailand i found myself again and became more aware that the States were not harmonious with me presently. My deep spirituality, kindness, and brilliance are percieved by many as weird and some have the delusion that i think i am somehow better than them... which is very far from the truth. But the fact remained that it was time to leave and let Divine lead the way.
This international school drawls people like me who are interested in healing and helping others. Finally, I am surrounded by people who our on the same wavelength and do not look at me with judging eyes when speaking on a deep level. My very good friend Matthew from the UK and I are very similar and it has been an honor and priviledge to listen to his spiritual and educational journey so far. We both agree that Divine has made our paths cross for a reason, and we continue to explore each others knowledge and ideas of spirituality and the powers of the universe. New waves of possibilites and opportunities enter my mind through our conversations, and for this i am blessed and thankful.
Ricardo and Clara, a sweet couple from Spain, are two other close friends that i grew to love in no time flat. We've learned much about each others culture and talk at length of society and its effects on the individual. We have similar dreams of traveling and healing, and speak of our hopes of how to do both in the near future. Ricardo is also a beautiful artist. It is fun to have someone else drawing to study, which i always did for neuroscience. Together we learn as we draw bodies with Sen Sib lines for better understanding of theraputic Thai massage. Our other "roommates" study our work and agree it helps put things into perspective. We help one another in every way we can and would go to the ends of the earth for each other. I feel as if we are all old souls that have been together in another life.
I have learned much from my new family and thank Divine everyday for bringing them into my life. These are the types of friendships that really will last a life time. Plans to visit one anothers countries are already in the works and i know without a doubt that they will be followed through to become a reality. I am so happy to be here. So happy to make these new friends. So happy to belong. So happy to gain knowledge and expand as a person. I have learned more about myself in one month in Thailand then in 27 years in the US. A smile beams from my face at the thought of how much i will learn and grow in the next few months, hopefully years, as i continue my journey and adventure through Asia... this is only the beginning...

Paradise Found

I am a firm beliver in that you must go through hell to understand heaven... My trip to Phuket was a similar scenario. After 3 days of disappointement, we finally found what we were looking for. A small, non tourist town off of Ao Yang and Cape Panwa finally showed us what the real Phuket beaches looked like. Tourquoise water, white sand beaches, lush green mountains, and a sense of peace like no other. We made it to Sheridan's ship and spent the night. The day was filled with swimming and diving off of various high points on the ship.. and eventually work. It is hard to watch people work before finally saying "what can i do to help?" So Matt and i got our hands dirty, literally, and disassembled and cleaned whinch gears. Let me tell you what a pleasure it is to smell like diseal fuel for 3 days... ok, that is sarcasm but it is true the smell lingers for days at a time. In the end we didnt mind because we were learning something new, and doing our part to repay them for their generosity.
After a lovely "ship-made" (as opposed to "home-made") meal we retired the daylight with Pilaties on the bow at sunset. It was such a moving experience... mentally, spiritually, and physically... Tree is a much harder position to hold when the ground you stand on moves with the ocean tide. Divine has been so present on this entire journey, but even more so in that moment. The colors of the sky changed every second from oranges, pink, and purple. The beautiful white 150 meter (approx 450 feet) Buddha perched up high on the mountain side seemed to be peering down at us, blessing us with every breath we took. I was so proud of Matt and Sheridan for stepping outside of their comfort zones and tying pilaties and meditation. And even more proud to hear how much peace they felt and their interest to continue this practice.
This trip has had such a beautiful unfolding. Once expectations were let go, and the decision to simply go with the flow was made, everything seemed to fall into place... and in a better way then i could have ever planned myself. The precense of Divine is everywhere and the more open i became, the more i became aware. The sunset in Nia Yang on our last night in Phuket was probably the most aware i had become so far in Thailand. The colors changed every moment, reflecting beautiful colored shimmers off the lapping ocean. Thai and travelers alike sat in silence and aww along the shore as the ball of fire dropped below the horizon, as if the "Amen" of a beautiful prayer the sky had just said. I will never forget how i felt in those moments... the smile radiating from my face, and tears sneaking down my tanned cheeks. Now more than ever i was aware i have come here for a reason and all is really well, even in its lack of definition. A calm swept over my body, soul, and mind and i was at peace. It became abundantly clear that paradise is not a place, but a feeling within ourselves that must be released and savored in its magnificance. We are all capable of finding it... the question is are we willing...