Letter to a Teenager

I received a letter from someone i truely care about. and while her words were hurtful at first, i am happy that she wrote it. it took this letter to understand how important guidence really is. i have been fortunate enough to be guided by my wise and incredible mother for most of my life, and by Divine for the past few years. when a souce is ever present, life doesnt seem so bad... because there is always someone to turn to. while Divine is always present, it can seem intangible. it took many years for me to fully cultivate my relationship to Source, and i always had my mom to guide me in the process. but what i never thought about was other people's sourses to Source. sources to guidence. sources to wisdom. i always had mine. but not everyone does. it is because of this letter that i now know more than ever that i am to share my wisdom and guidence with any who are seeking. this blog may serve as a catalyst to do just that, but in truth this process started long ago. but i also realized that i must be a strong woman, and positive guiding light for the children in my life. they are not my own, so i assumed the parents would take on this role. but i understand now that the parents are busy working, heavily stressed, and just plain worn out. they offer all that they can, but for a teenager growing up in todays american culture, its not enough... i am thankful that Divine has presented me with this situation, to learn this lesson, and to begin the process... and i hope my letter to her can help her with hers...
"...one of the reasons i feel such a deep sense of family here is because i dont at home. i am very close with my parents, but thats it. i feel like i have completely lost touch with my brothers and sister in laws. i take any time i can get with uncle ryan, which is minimal at best, but outside of holidays and the kids birthdays (we barely gather for our own anymore which sucks) we never see each other. i agree that this is lacking. i have waited almost 28 years to feel like i belong somewhere. i have felt lost and alone for most of my life. even though i was always surrounded by people. no one ever really knew me, or understood me. i allowed myself to adapt to others to ensure people would like me, but i lost myself in the process. i didnt have my own voice. it took a wild, intense, and chaotic 2007 to spark the change, and took coming to thailand to truely feel like i belong. finally i know who i am. finally i like myself. finally i have my own voice, and whats better, i have something to say. it took a long time for me to figure this all out... and what it really took was my deeper connection with Divine. it is only because of this that everything in my life started to make sense and fall into place. i have never been so happy. i know it seems intangible to have a relationship with God, but its not. and when we learn how to cultivate it, the energy stirred is intoxicating. you feel good, and life starts to get easier. i'd be happy to explain if you are interested... and i would love for to read my blog. i think it will help you to understand a lot of things. many people tell me it gives them inspiration. it causes me pain that you are in pain. originally it was your words that hurt, but they do not any longer. what hurts is that you are in pain and you have no tools to handle it. and how could you? your family is not really present. and i am sorry that i have not been more present in your life. but from now on i will be. i may live in asia the next few years, but skype is a beautiful thing. the only reason i have gotten through the many trials and tribulations of my life are because of my mother. and i know that your relationship with your mom still lacks of guidence. nana has been through more in her life time than you can possibly imagine, and her wisdom is highly valued by everyone that knows her. she has passed a lot of it on to me and we both want to share it with you. we both want to be strong women in your life and i am sorry that it has taken all of this to make that start to happen. but it will now. the fog will start to clear for you sweetheart. there is always a light at the end of the tunnel... sometimes it just feels so far away that we forget that its there. we must remind ourselves, and bring a candle, to be our own light. and without the guidence and wisdom to spark the match, darkness can consume us. while i know this is the hardest your life has ever been, let that be your motivation to start seeking now. seek to cultivate. seek to understand. seek to have purpose. we were not put on this earth to slave away our lives, working to pay for shit that we dont need. there is so much more to life. take charge and find it. you dont have to get stuck in the grind. dig deep, and get out. that doesnt mean abandoning everything, but choose to let Divine lead the way... so you can have faith that all is how it should be. and that everything has a reason. look for the meanings. look for the lessons. look for the positive things in every situation. and find ways to always choose happiness. no one can take it from us if we do not let them. and that doesnt mean that shitty things wont happen. but there is always something to be thankful for. there is always something to bless. there is always God..."